An Open Letter to Sandusky’s Victims

I heard today’s news that Mr. Sandusky waived his right to the hearing. I know that those of you who were prepared to testify today had no doubt steeled yourself for the event. I suspect that when you heard of Sandusky’s decision, you were both relieved and upset. But from what I understand of the law and of criminal proceedings, it may be best that you only have to testify once. You know as well as I that you are speaking for untold numbers of boys who can’t come forward. The fact that you are willing to testify tells me that you are capable of heroic deeds. You may not feel like a hero, but others will give you this name. I do. I’m proud of you. I support you all the way. What you’re doing is heroic because you’re saving the mental and spiritual lives of other, innocent boys. You’re doing it because child molesters NEVER stop on their own. Someone has to confront them. It’s a shame that no adults had the guts to do it. Yes, some may have told their peers and superiors. But is that what a witness does when he sees a man raping a little girl? No. That witness calls the police. And the police (if they aren’t intimidated by the offender and his crowd) will do something about it. I also want you to know, from my experience and after talking with many others in the field, that you may not feel satisfied after confronting your abuser. I hope you will. But if you don’t, it merely underscores what we already...

Reporting An Offender You Love

After I wrote my memoir, I collaborated on a second book entitled “Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life after Boyhood Sexual Abuse. ” The theme is that what causes trauma in a child abused by someone older, is not so much the physical act, but the betrayal of a relationship. No child grows up with an innate understanding of an ideal relationship. At the deepest level, children learn what relationships are by their own relationships. If a boy gets into a relationship with an older man, he will think that the man cares about him. But when it becomes obvious that what the man wants is the boy ‘s body, the boy may feel betrayed. And so as he grows up, he may “know ” that all relationships are fake, or that they aren ‘t what they appear to be, or that they are simply a way of “getting what you want. ” You hustle people for one thing or another. Conversely, you feel that you have no worth other than what your body can be used for. Your idea may work as long as you are young and attractive. But when you grow up, and you realize that the man you thought who cared about you is now grooming a younger boy to replace you, you may well feel an emptiness and anger and ultimately, well after the events have passed, betrayed. If you are a boy who ‘s father is molesting your friends, you may grow up believing that your father cared more about your friends… or your friend ‘s bodies, than you. This is part of the trauma of boyhood sexual abuse. Several...