Walter de Milly .com

Last week a friend, sent me an email he’d received from the “Commander” of a “Brigade” of the Sons of Confederate Veterans.  My friend had been studying a genealogy site in hopes of learning more about one of my ancestors, a man who had his name inscribed on a stained glass window which had been removed from an old Church in Tallahassee.    Apparently that website allows messages to be transmitted to its members. Mr _____ I have been digging for some information on the DeMilly Family of Tallahassee, Florida. One project we are working on is providing a headstone for Cadet Sergeant Prospere DeMilly of the West Florida Military Institute. We have obtained the stone which is a replica of Confederate Stones issued by the Veterans administration. A member of the

If you know me, then you’re likely aware that for the first twelve years of my life I was sexually abused by a man more powerful than me (which is to say, my father).   So when I say there’s no excuse for complicity with a President who brags about his nonconsensual sex with women because he’s “a star,” be assured I mean it. His callous immorality goes on every day.  As parades of advisors goose-step their way into the new administration we see that one of them–Stephen Bannon–was once arrested for domestic violence.  He’s an anti-semite who ran Breitbart News, the site known for trafficking in racist imagery and language.  When women are harassed online, his paper blames them, telling them that they should just “log off,” since it was men who built

On August 30, 2013, Betsy Karasik, a former attorney-turned painter, wrote a Washington Post op-ed piece about the 30 day sentence given to a former high school teacher who raped a 14 year-old girl.  This is the girl who later committed suicide. Karasik, who says she’s troubled by the reaction to the lenient sentence, defends the teacher saying “Many teenagers are, biologically speaking, sexually mature. Pretending that this kind of thing won’t happen if we simply punish it severely enough is delusional. If anything, to return to Louis C.K., the indiscriminate criminalization of such situations may deter students struggling with sexual issues from seeking advice from a parent or counselor.” My friends and colleagues asked the Post to please print a response to Karasik’s letter.   The Post agreed, but not wholeheartedly.  They printed a portion

November 1, 2012 Michael JohnsonYouth Protection DirectorBoy Scouts of America Dear Michael, As the Boy Scouts of America hosts the National Symposium on Youth Protection, I’d like to bring up a serious issue affecting the lives and hearts of countless boys which thus far, the Scouts have refused to address. I grew up in Tallahassee. In the 60’s, when I was a scout, my dad was president of the Suwanee River Area Council. So I knew the leadership and the scout executives, and the scoutmasters and philanthropists in the community, and I saw how the tradition was passed from father to son. Indeed many of my friends became scoutmasters. I did not follow the tradition. Once I became an adult I had little to do with Scouting. I felt as if

What am I doing putting up a photo of Marilyn Monroe, Clark Gable, and Montgomery Clift? The story begins with the man standing under the ladder. Longago, before I knew him, before this photo was taken, he had moved among several major NY Publishing houses as their editor-in-chief. One of his friends, the playwright Arthur Miller (cowboy hat and glasses, top of pic) wanted to give his wife a valentine’s present, a screenplay titled “The Misfits” which she could star in with Gable and Clift. Miller’s wife of course was Marilyn Monroe. Frank Taylor, the man under the ladder, produced the film. It was only one of two films he would become involved in. Years later, Frank Taylor retired to Key West as a full time resident. When I moved to

Betrayal, Silence & Evil  Almost always, it happens like this: An offender abuses another person. The offender lords over the victim, coercing him into a pact of secrecy. It’s not a difficult task, since the victim is almost always less powerful (and dependent) on the offender. Later, sometimes decades later, the secret emerges as the spoken truth. By that point the offender is no longer in control. The former victim, now moving in his journey into a new identity, is taking control. This is when (unfortunately, too late to help) we can see the twin themes of sexual abuse: Betrayal, and Silence in the Presence of Evil. Tonight on the news, I listened to the story of a very brave Sharon Bialek, who accused Republican Candidate Herman Cain of sexual harassment. She had

I heard today’s news that Mr. Sandusky waived his right to the hearing. I know that those of you who were prepared to testify today had no doubt steeled yourself for the event. I suspect that when you heard of Sandusky’s decision, you were both relieved and upset. But from what I understand of the law and of criminal proceedings, it may be best that you only have to testify once. You know as well as I that you are speaking for untold numbers of boys who can’t come forward. The fact that you are willing to testify tells me that you are capable of heroic deeds. You may not feel like a hero, but others will give you this name. I do. I’m proud of you. I support you all

“When I was born into the world as an American citizen, I was given freedom of speech, and freedom of religion. Because of these rights and others, because America is democratic, because I live in a beautiful wholesome country, because these things were given to me, I owe my deepest respect to America. By being a good Christian, by being honest, by being loyal, and by obeying all laws as a good citizen should, I can repay to America all the wonderful things that she has so freely given me. I owe my strength and my life to God and to my country. At this critical time when attentions are at war, I fear to dream of our country being thrown into these useless and horrible wars. War is senseless. War is murder. There is one

If You Are Thinking of Suicide A personal letter for you:  If you are a teenager (or an adult) and you ‘re thinking about suicide, THE most important thing you should do is make a connection with someone who’ll listen and help you figure things out. Think of your life at the moment as this: You live in a big house. Everything you know and see and do and feel is in that house. Your family, your friends, your enemies, your computer, games, sports, your understanding of yourself, of your God, your entire universe… all of these are in your house. Then one day you open a door you ‘ve never noticed, you never were aware of. What ‘s behind the door? Another world, a larger world, one where you can

Our lives are specks. Planet Earth is a speck. Our galaxy is a speck. We live in an infinite universe where looking at a star means looking into a past so distant that earth had not yet stirred with life. We don’t sense our insignificance until it is brought to our attention: A natural disaster. A moment of awe, while seeing spectacular beauty for the first time. An intellectual epiphany in which we grasp but for a moment the impossible scale of existence. It is at such moments that we can find meaning in our lives. But these moments do not come often. And so, for the great part of our lives, many of us are seeking the “meaning of life. ” Some of us avoid the question by staying busy. Who has time to ponder such questions when there ‘s so much to be done? Sometimes though, even for

After I wrote my memoir, I collaborated on a second book entitled “Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life after Boyhood Sexual Abuse. ” The theme is that what causes trauma in a child abused by someone older, is not so much the physical act, but the betrayal of a relationship. No child grows up with an innate understanding of an ideal relationship. At the deepest level, children learn what relationships are by their own relationships. If a boy gets into a relationship with an older man, he will think that the man cares about him. But when it becomes obvious that what the man wants is the boy ‘s body, the boy may feel betrayed. And so as he grows up, he may “know ” that all relationships are fake, or that they aren ‘t

The first castration occurs in mythology, near the very beginning of the cosmos.   Mother Earth Gaea, gave birth to Uranus (Father Sky).    Just as Eve in the Bible married Adam, Gaea of the Greek Myths married Uranus.    Upon the marraige, Gaea had Father Sky surround herself, so that she would provide a protected home for mortal beings.  Their first children were monsters.   First, there came three Hundred-Headed giants and then three Cyclops.    Father Uranus didn’t take to them.  In fact he feared and hated his children so much that he threw them deep into the darkest parts of the  earth.  Gaea felt betrayed.   She loved her children.  She wanted revenge.    Nevertheless she hid her feelings from Uranus until she had borne her next group of children, the thirteen Titans. As the Titans were growing up,

Child molesters like to place the responsibility for their acts on their victims. A common ploy to accomplish this is a threat. Sometimes the threat is delivered directly to the child: “If you tell anyone I’ll hurt your mommy.” But often the threat is sent in code, or delivered by proxy to a larger audience, a family, members of the faith and defenders of the faith. Because child molesters lack the ability to empathize with the child their identity is attached to something else… their sexual obsessions, a group of fellow molesters, an institution which nourishes and protects abusers and provides every kind of security for now and evermore. As such, the “naming” of an offender compels the group or institution to defend itself. We’re seeing this today in the Catholic