If You Are Thinking of Suicide
A personal letter for you: If you are a teenager (or an adult) and you ‘re thinking about suicide, THE most important thing you should do is make a connection with someone who’ll listen and help you figure things out. Think of your life at the moment as this: You live in a big house. Everything you know and see and do and feel is in that house. Your family, your friends, your enemies, your computer, games, sports, your understanding of yourself, of your God, your entire universe… all of these are in your house. Then one day you open a door you ‘ve never noticed, you never were aware of.
What ‘s behind the door? Another world, a larger world, one where you can find friends and not feel isolated or humiliated or worthless. It ‘s not a perfect world but it is one you can live in and actually like. You have made a discovery. You ‘ve found a world where the people who judge you now will either come to love you more, OR you will learn that how THEY feel no longer affects how YOU feel.
The idea to commit suicide usually comes after being abused, belittled, humiliated, embarrassed, bullied, isolated, or betrayed. It can come when there seems to be no way out, when you ‘re in a box, when everything seems hopeless. It can come after several of these experiences, or just one, or all.
Humans respond to these experiences with two extreme feelings: unendurable pain and rage. People who actually kill themselves do this to get rid of these unbearable feelings.
If you ‘re thinking of suicide, you may not be exactly aware of these feelings but chances are they are there. Even adults don ‘t always have the words to express what is going on in their minds, so don’t be afraid to say “I don ‘t understand.”
No one is ever as alone as they feel. There ‘s always someone on the other side of the door who will love and respect you for who you are. You just haven’t met them yet. And the pain, it goes away. It takes time, and it may take a lot of work, but it will go away. Once it does, the world will seem new to you. You will feel alive. You can be happy, and feel connected, and experience a sense of wonder.
If you are thinking of suicide or know someone you fear may try, I want you to call one of these numbers:
The Trevor Project (866) 488-7386 This is especially for teenagers who are Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian, Transgendered
Questioning National Suicide Hotline (800) 273-8255 This is for anyone thinking of suicide or wanting to help.
Take care of yourself, Walter de Milly